What about me?

It has been one of those weeks, well months, okay years, where it seems like everyone is being acknowledged for their hard work and life changing news: study abroad, interviews, awards, and engagements (lots of engagements).

Meanwhile, I'm just over here like "what about me"?

Don't get me wrong, I am happy for everyone. Especially since most of these accomplishments are for my family members and friends. However some of my disdain is from the fact that I feel neglected. It feels like I'm doing the exact same things (minus the getting ready to marry thing) and haven't been acknowledged. I've been working hard, getting good grades, and all that jazz. A little recognition would hurt would it? It feels like I'm getting bitter.

Man I hate that word: bitter. Ever since one of my managers refer to me as being bitter I vowed to never let anyone call me that again. It sounds like a term someone would say to someone who's old and hates life. And I'm not old, I'm still in my 20's! And here I am, referring to myself as bitter, which needs to stop.

Maybe the reason why I want to stay so involved is because I want to be noticed? Which isn't a bad thing, but that can't be the only reason right? Sometimes service and hard work in itself is rewarding enough. Looking back on last year, I've done a lot of things I should be grateful for that have put me in the spotlight, such as being able to travel to Africa. A lot has happened in my life already, and I don't need some title or award to prove my worth. 

I sometimes forget that I'm not in control of my life; God is. I need to be grateful for what He has given me, and what He has allowed me to do.  He must have a greater plan for me, something that can't be measured by a piece of paper or a new title to add to my resume.

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. ~ Philippians 4: 11-12

The little red head girl (that's gonna be my sister)

Most of you are aware that my brother moved out to Oakland, CA last year to work for the Oakland A's. At the time, my family and I, and even Mike, weren't sure what would come out of this. I mean, what else would you expect moving across the country to a town where you have no friends, connections, or a clue? There was a reason Mike was hired, and God had a plan for him. We just didn't know what that was yet. However, knowing my brother, he made this work for him.

And in comes the little red head girl from California (if you're a fan of the Peanuts comics like I am, you'll get the reference). My brother met Marissa about a year ago, and have been officially dating since March. I remember when my mom and I were first introduced to her. It was during the Winter Blast from last March when Leelanau County got dumped on with 2 feet of snow in one night and the power and cell towers were out everywhere. We texted Mike a picture of how much snow there was, and how "jealous" he should be of us. He called later that day saying he was at the zoo with Marissa, and put her on the phone to talk with my mom. He also sent a picture later that night, and my mom and I weren't really sure what to think of it.
It was a completely new concept for my brother to have a girlfriend. I don't mean this to be insulting; it is more of the fact that I wasn't use to my brother having a girlfriend he was so smitten with. It was interesting hearing about their dating adventures, especially since Marissa has a large family that is super close. It was also weird that she was calling him her 'Prince Charming'.

Well, after about 8 months in Oakland, Mike finally decided to come back to Leelanau County because he missed his little sister too much (okay he actually came back for a friend's wedding, but I imagine that he missed me too). I wasn't sure what to expect that he wanted Marissa to come and visit our family. This was my first time truly meeting her. She felt like a member of the family immediately. There were some instances where we clicked as if we were actual sisters, even pointing out my brother's cheesy lines to try to impress Marissa! We even went to Mackinac Island as a "family", and she actually tolerated traveling with my family. A good sign so far.
I've also been talking with a lot of my friends about my brother and his girlfriend how smitten they are with each other. I figured my brother was going to ask her to marry him sometime soon, and by soon I mean around the summertime. Much sooner than my parents were expecting. Boy were we wrong.
When I was on Facebook last night, I noticed an ominous status update from my mom on her Facebook (which served as a spoiler alert):

"Dear Facebook Friends - I need your help . . . Where do I buy a mother of the groom dress?"

I figured my mom was trying to get ahead of the game. However, it puzzled me as to why she would post something like this. I called her and she told me the news. Unfortunately my mom spoiled the surprise for me, since Mike was going to call me later that night. Needless to say I was speechless, and pleasantly shocked! I called my brother and talked with my future sister in law as well! All I could say was how happy I was for them and I can't wait for the wedding! I was speechless and like "holy mankind I'm going to have a sister!" I then proceeded to text pretty much everyone in my phone to let them know I was finally going to have a sister.

Based on this picture alone, my brother knows how to pick them. Not only the location, but the ring and of course the girl! Also, wise decision on his part having someone take a photograph; I'm impressed he thought of that! This just proves that although you don't know what God has in store for you, he knows what is best for you and he will not let you down. I wish the very best for both of you, and I can't for Marissa to be a full member of the family. We need more women in the family to balance out the sport watching, hunting crazed men in our family.

My own worst enemy

I'm currently in the middle of rehearsals for the Aquinas College production of "Chicago". In addition to these rehearsals, I have classes, my internship, extra curriculars, and a new found freedom of being 21. While I love staying busy and actively involved, sometimes I wonder if it's too much for one person. Am I able to tell when I've taken on too much responsibility? The answer is no, but I'm getting better.
I'm starting to realize that I am my own worst enemy. I tend to bite off more than I can chew, and I'm also very critical of myself. I recently talked with my internship coordinator and supervisor about my schedule, as well as my progress at my internship. I was being WAY too critical of myself, and not realizing how much I've learned since I started there in October or how much of an asset I've been to the organization. Instead I was focusing on the little things that made me worry if I was doing my job right. I need to learn to focus on my accomplishments rather than my failures. In order to do this, I need to choose the activities I really care about succeeding in over the ones that I should do because "it will look good on my resume" or "it's not that much of a time commitment".
I decided to drop one of my classes, realizing that I don't need to take a full amount of credits each semester to get my money's worth for my tuition. Fortunately it won't mess up my plan to graduate next year (whoa, I graduate from college next year!). Just because I can do something doesn't always mean I should. My sanity is much more rewarding than burying my life in books and missing out on what the world outside of college has to offer. While it feels weird not taking a full 18 credits, and I haven't done this technically since freshman year, in the long run this decision is one step closer for me actually having a social life outside of school AND decent grades.

My Name is not Muzungu

A new year means new beginnings, or at least that's how it usually starts out. I promised to start writing on my blog again, and about 4 weeks after that promise I only wrote 2 posts.

Now I could make up excuses like "oh I didn't have Internet over Christmas Break" or "I don't have the time with 18 credits". However, excuses only mean you're not taking responsibility for your actions. And now that I will be blogging for my internship (by the way, getting paid to be on Social Media is the best thing ever!), I should get back into the swing of things.

It has been nearly a year since I found out I was going to study abroad in Malawi, Africa last May. It's hard to believe how much has change since then. My new found love for Africa has inspired me to find ways to incorporate it into my everyday life. It didn't work out in my favor when I had to make a speech last semester about my time in Malawi and decided to wear African clothing, only to have many people stare at me like I was a lunatic. Which is why I'm relying on my social media outlets, and other subtle ways, to help portray my love and interest in the land so many people assume is full of only poverty.

The first step was to change the URL for my blog. While I will always love the original name "Shutter-Style", it was time for a change. My blog's new name is "My Name Not Muzungu".

What is a Muzungu? Muzungu is a term for foreign person, used mostly in the southern, central, and eastern regions of Africa (like Malawi!). It can mean "aimless wanderer" or "someone who roams around aimlessly". However, most natives of Africa associate the term with the meaning "white person" or "European". When I was in Africa, this was basically my name. It's important to note that this term is not offensive. Now if you called someone out based on their ethnicity or race in the United States, you would more than likely get slapped....

There are not very many white people in Malawi (no surprise), and many of the natives have never seen a white person other than through a picture or on TV, especially someone as white as I am. It was difficult to convince them that I had a name, a personality, and a life outside of Africa. It was also hard to adjust being in Africa and having everyone stare at you, staring because of your skin color, your accent, and your lifestyle.

The more I thought about being the "muzungu", the more I realized I was facing this problem before I went to Africa. I don't mean being singled out by my race, but the concept of trying to portray myself as not just a typical college student, as "Kalchik's little sister", or that girl in class that doesn't talk as much. I've been trying to find ways to distinguish myself from the rest of the world as an individual. That is what got me interested in Social Media, because I can describe myself on my own terms through the "inner voice" of my head. I don't want to be remembered as someone who blends into society, or gets stereotyped with other people who are similar to me; I want to stand out and make a name for myself.

Relief

My exams are done. Phew!

It's weird, now that I don't have to worry about studying or any other school-related obligations, what will I do with my free time? Here are a few options:

1. Sleep
2. Read, for fun.
3. Catch up on TV shows
4. Sleep
5. Spend quality time with my family
6. Reunite with my friends from high school
7. Sleep
8. Write
9. Not worry about putting forth effort to look presentable
10. Sleep

Notice how many times I've mentioned sleep?

It doesn't sound like an exciting break, but a break is exactly what I need. I miss Leelanau County and Leelanau County misses me. Don't get me wrong, I love staying busy with school and being involved in extra-curriculars, and I love Grand Rapids with all my heart. But every now and then, I need to take time to just be myself. No obligations, no meetings, no classes, no worries. Everyone is entitled to a day of rest, even the Bible says so.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  ~ Matthew 11: 28-29

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The blog is back!

Man, it's been a long time since I've been on here.

When I started this blog about a year ago , it was because I was going to travel abroad to Malawi, Africa (which I just realized that today is the one-year anniversary of when I received my acceptance letter!). I had so many different emotions and I needed to keep track of them! It definitely helped that my best friend was going on the trip with me, as well as my brother's news about moving to California that helped my parents not be as worried. I wanted to write down everything that happened to me before, during, and after my trip.

After I left Africa and told my story, it felt like this blog didn't have a purpose. I felt lost, confused, and had no idea why I was still writing.

This time, I'm not so sure why I'm re-starting. Part of me missed blogging and expressing myself in ways I wasn't use to (such as writing down my feelings and such). Another part of me is interested in developing my skills as a writer, especially since I will be working in Marketing or Advertising where there will be writing.

Now, back to the one-year anniversary thing.

Originally when I applied to Africa, I had no idea what made me want to go. Maybe it was my desire to study abroad (and be able to graduate on time). Maybe it was my need for adventure. Or maybe it was a sign that showed me how big the world really is. I mean, I went through 3 different continents to get there! I've stepped foot on nearly half of the world at this point. And my desire to see the world hasn't changed, in fact, it's gotten even bigger!

While I don't promise my posts will relate to Africa, or anything earth-shattering, I will promise to write on my blog for the sake of writing. Whatever is going on in my life, I will find a reason to write about it. This will not only help me develop as a writer, but also find a creative way to make my life sound more interesting and exciting.

Art Prize 2012

Last Friday, I finally got to see Art Prize, and participate in Light the Night Grand Rapids.